Solitude
Solitude
Solitude
My companion, often.

A death knight...
is used to disappointment and solitude..

Duty. Rarely delight.
Dragging the feet to get the job done.

Spreading unholy aura to the atmosphere around me..

A true death knight
desires no delight...

Am I becoming one...?
Or, am I becoming like Job...?

Why is light given to the man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in?

I have said to corruption, Thou art my father: to the worm, Thou art my mother and my sister. 

when I become a Hokage..
I will be too busy to think about women...
-Obito Uchiha-

A true death knight
befriends silence and solitude...

Sorry,
S
Really sorry.

Your leader told me you had felt stalked by me.
Really sorry for that...

Perhaps,
I should become a death knight...

for now...

Your leader told me not to like or comment your photos since you do not like it...

And so.

The journey to realization has started..

And perhaps...
I should learn to control my feeling to you, S....
Perhaps I should withdraw myself from you...
Slowly, slowly, the feeling subsides as you ignored my messages...

Slowly slowly,
I am becoming a death knight...

Still, the remnant of my feeling for you is there.

S,
I miss you..

S...
So, you were there last night in the service.
I was happy to greet you before the church service.
Yet, I could not get the chance to talk to you after that..

And recently.
you have not replied to any of my message...

Just want to say..
I will still try to approach you...
A little bit more...

I miss you...

S...
and so, you are back from overseas...
I wonder if you will come to church service later.
Because... I am missing you a lot...

Gotta work hard.
Must be diligent.
I am sure my feeling toward you is a strong fuel for this determination..

S...
I like you a lot...

Every now and then...
My lips whisper your name...
I wonder..
If you feel the same toward me...

I already told your leader that I like you...
She will talk to me once she is back in town...

Is it gonna be good news...? Or, bad news...?

"God wants to surprise you," Pastor Ming said last Saturday.
"Tell God what you want for Christmas."

Truly..
All I want for Christmas..
.... is you...

I..
miss you..
so much..

I..
want you..
so much..

And so..
You did not attend the church service last night...
Heard you would be away in China for 2 weeks...
...
Enjoy your trip..
Miss you so much...

I miss you so much...
Are you going to come to church service this Saturday..?

You look so pretty in your prom photos.
Oh to be more accurate,
you are already pretty to me, even without that gown and make up..

You read my whatsapp message.
Still, you did not reply....

A bad sign.
Really bad.
I experienced it many times in the past..

I told your cell group leader of my feeling to you last Sunday.
She seems ok with that.
After her exam, most likely she and I will really have a talk about my feeling...

I miss you...
miss you ..
miss you..

And so..
My feeling to you has been revealed...
Let's wait and see the outcome..

Missing you lots..

And so..
You did not come to church service..

I miss you.. lots...

And so...
tomorrow is your last day of exam...
Do your best, yea?
Hope I can see you soon...

And somehow,
you did not reply my twitter post to your twitter.

I miss you...

And so..
You didn't come to church last Saturday..
It's alright.
I understand.
You are still busy with exams.

This week your exam will end.
Will you come to church this Saturday?

I am missing you lots.

Though I gaze at your photos every now and then,
they are no substitute for your presence.

You mentioned on twitter you do not know if you like anyone.
Will you like me..?

Currently I am assisting your leader in her study.
One day I will confess to your leader... my feeling.. toward you..

This feeling toward you is waning.
You didn't reply some of my messages.
And I have not seen you for very long.

But no.
I don't plan to give up.

I like you.
And, I really pray that we can be together.. permanently.

I heard you would come to church service tomorrow.
Not sure how accurate the info I received.
Will I be able to meet you tomorrow...?

Had a dream last night.
I saw you.. but you were with another guy..
My heart froze...

Oh God, I pray Thee, let this dream not come true.
I pray that God would join you to me..
That no man can separate us..

I can't take it anymore.
This longing is sooo unbearable.
Your photo now becomes my lock screen.

I miss you.. so.. much..

Not sure if this is true dream. Or, it is false dream.

Is it the real hope? Or, is it the fake hope?

But I guess, having fake dream is still better than having no dream.

False dream. Fake hope.

It still gives comfort even if it is temporary comfort.

Nevertheless, be it real or fake dream, 

I just want to say.

You are my dream.

What am I fighting for..?
My reason to fight..
I'll protect you, Elie.

I wanna protect, Elie.
From worrying.
From sadness.
From fear.

I'M FIGHTING FOR ELIE!!!!

Initially, I am worried with your spiritual condition.
I thought you had lost the passion for God as you had been away from church for quite some time.
Am really glad to hear you will attend the church service next Saturday.
I may not be able to see you next week. Nevertheless, my prayer is with you...

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for answering my prayer :)

I think by now, almost all cg members know that I like you.
The question is... do you like me...?

In the end, your photos can't fully represent you...
I miss you lots...
I am looking forward to meeting you one day...

My prayer is with you..

Didn't hear much from you as you are busy with exams.

I pray and hope that you will do well in exams, together with our friends.

This is also my prayer that you stay passionate for God.

Otherwise, I will be sad if I can't see you in church.... 

Every night in my dream.
I see you.
I feel you.

It is not just a song lyrics.
It is the reality I experience.

Missing you lots...

Forgive me.
I downloaded your photos without permission.
I was afraid that I would scare you if I asked your consent.
I was too shy to confess my feeling to you.

But really, I miss you a lot.
I do not want to forget...
Your eyes.
Your smile
Your face.
Your hair.
All about you.
Since I can't see at the moment, let the photos represent you.

This longing is getting more and more unbearable...

When will I get to see you again....?

A gorgeous girl sat right beside me in the bus.
Immediately, my mind flew to you.
I wonder.
Will you get to sit beside me one day?

She is indeed a gorgeous girl.
Nevertheless, most assuredly, to me, you are the most gorgeous girl, ever.

And once again,
I mentioned you in my dream..

Marry me.
Marry me.
Marry me.

I understand this week is full with daily exams for you.
I really want to know how you deal with them, whether or not you think you do well.
Anyway, I am assuming things are going ok for you.

Perhaps, it is just your personality that whenever you experience stress, you tend to isolate yourself from others.
Never mind, I take it I am still learning about your personality...

A new week has arrived.
I only can see you in the virtual world.
FB, blog, twitter, instagram, tumblr
Will I be able to see you in the real world..?

It is my prayer that you will be my last attempt, my last target...
If it is possible, I do not want to go through another cycle of hope and disappointment...

Anyway, I keep you in prayer: your exam and spiritual growth..

I have fallen for you...
What do you think of me..?

I miss you..
When will I get to see you again..?

It was a short message.
But at least, you replied me.
Thank you...

Whenever I see the girls around me...
My mind screams out your name..

I.. miss.. you.. lots..

You know very well that I follow your blog.

You sound so happy in your blog post.

I wonder.

Will you feel happy when I get to meet you again..?

Whenever I have a dream..
I see you there..
You are my dream.

I.. really like you.

I... really do.

Do you feel the same toward me..?

Every time I open my eyes in the morning...
My mind sees you too..

Can you hear me..?
I miss you.. so.. much..

I remember... clearly..
In the beginning,
I could see your eyes beaming with excitement as you called me.

I look forward to seeing you again.
Will you feel excited when you see me again..?

"This place reminds me of the mistake I did in the past..
And I have made so many of them."
-Kakashi Hatake-

Let me just scream it out....
I MISS YOUUUUUUU!!!!

I wonder.. what you think of me..?
Do you think of me as friend.. or do you think we can be more than just friends..?
Every time I pass this train station, I remember you...
Why do I have the feeling that this dream is fading...?
Will it come to pass..?

Must not give up...

I can't have limits..

There are many people to protect..

Missing your smile and laughter...  much...
Anyway, all the best for your study.
Do make me proud of you, yeah?

Will you be my bride..?

Gliding on emotion...
Ima demo anata wo kanjiruyo..
Counting the days when I can see you again..
Will this dream ever come to pass..?
You are my dream..

Why can't I stop thinking about you?
What do I keep missing you?
Really.
Really.
Really want to see you again. To talk to you again.

To be able to see your eyes.
Your smile.
I feel.. so.. happy..

Your eyes.
Your smile.
Your hair
Your face.
They are my redemption..

Every time I see you..
All I see..
is a simple,
pure,
innocent,
beauty.

Will you think of me as your prince..? Will you..?

Am I losing my mind...
Am I..?

Why..
Why..
Why do I still see you.. even when I close my eyes..?

A long lost crush.. A long lost sweet memory..
I thought I had a chance..
In the end.. no, I have no chance.
The door has been sealed..

Gotta learn to trust God even when all the plans are shattered.
Probably. Just probably. I will use the last resort.

There is still another crush..
But will she like me too...?

Silence.
A deafening silence.
Solitude.
I guess in the end, I should learn to walk with God.
Alone with God.

I don't hate darkness...
Darkness is where I was raised.

-Kimimaro Kagoya-

No matter how far and fast I run, I could never catch up with you.
You're the leaves, bathing in the sun.
I am the roots that grow in the dark.

What am I to you?
What do you think of me?

-Danzo Himura-

Can we become more than just friends?
Can we...?
Please, say yes...

Will this dream come to pass?
Will this dream become a reality?
Or, will I be trapped in this phantasm? Am I experiencing illusion right now?

I do not know the answer.
Only God knows... and I trust in my God who takes care of all I need.

A quote from Distance-Long Shot Party

You are my friend.
You are my dream.
I promise to protect you

God takes care of His creation. Even simple creation like the birds of the air.
God takes care of their food and drink. God takes care of their life partners too.
While they still have to work to find food, drink and life partners, there is no need for them to worry.

My God takes care of them.
My God will take care of me too.
The birds never need to worry whom they 'marry'.
I shall not worry too with whom I will marry.

Initially, I enjoyed talking to you.
And yeah, I could see you enjoy talking to me too.
I texted you and you replied.
I passed a Valentine gift to you.
And yeah, I think it is obvious that you know that I like you.

Won't you give me a chance to woo you?
Won't you give me a chance to win your heart?
Why is your text suddenly... so cold?

Well, I do understand you are pretty and I think I have to compete with other guys too.
Anyway, I will try a bit more to approach you.
I am prepared to give up on you in case you really don't like me...

But for now, thanks for talking to me.
Just for a while, I was soo... happy... to be.. able.. to talk.. to you...

Finally you were there...
Finally you showed up..
You know I am interested in you..
And yet, I could tell from your body language you were avoiding me..
You would rather talk to another guy...
Is he interested in you? Perhaps yes perhaps no.
I would rather say no as I did not see that spark in his eyes when he was talking to you..

Valentine is coming..
I am thinking of dating you...
Will you give me a chance...?

In the end, even if you do not give me a chance..
I am still fine with that...
I will just quietly, peacefully withdraw away from you...
You are very pretty..
I believe other guys will come and approach you...

Enjoy your week ahead.